Divorce and the Effects on Children

Recently I wrote an argumentative research paper about divorce and the effects on children for my English class. It has been really interesting and sad. Children are greatly affected by divorce through many ways; for example, depression and anxiety are commonly seen in children. Not only do these two aspects affect them as children, but as well as in their adult lives. Having divorced parents can be very difficult in their adult lives too because many uncomfortable situations come up in which too much stress is placed on the whole family. Often times divorced parents place stress on their children when they don’t mean to and sometimes they even do not notice it.

I think that people should think hard about their choices and take into account how it might affect others before they take action. If parents are considering divorce they should do everything they can possibly do to try and resolve the situation. Some make decisions too hastily without giving a lot of thought to their choices. Children can and will be impacted by the parents' actions so they should think twice before they act.

Parenting

Parenting---It can help us:
- Develop patience
- Teach us
- Develop inter-generational patterns
- Change our relationship with God
- Become selfless

"The purpose of parenting is to protect and prepare our children to survive and thrive in the world."

Children need Contact/Belonging

Often, some children do not receive the attention that they need growing up. To be able to meet the needs of children we need to offer affection freely! Hug, touch, and smile often. :) Also, create opportunities for the child to contribute. For example the child can help with chores, errands, and helping others. It would also be good to get the child involved with teams or clubs.

Children need LOVE. I believe that this is the most important thing we can give to a child. They need to be loved. If they do not receive the appropriate amount of attention they need then it can affect their mental growth during childhood. 

Crisis

This week we discussed many crisis and how they affect the lives of individuals. The part about crisis that I like is the different coping mechanisms that are suggested in the book.
They are:

• Take responsibility
• Affirm worth
• Balance self concern with other concern
• Re-framing (re-define the meaning of something)
• Find and use available resources

All of these mechanisms I will definitely remember as I start my own family. These cannot only be used for crisis but for those small problems that may occur in our lives. I think affirming our worth is one of the bigger mechanisms that can help. So often in times of trial our self worth can be easily forgotten. It is sad, but I know it is true because I see it in the lives of others. I know that if we remember that God loves each and everyone one of us then we will be able to overcome the crisis that occur in our lives. He loves us!

Sexual Intimacy

This week I learned a lot of new things about sexual intimacy. I never thought about some of these reasons why we demonstrate intimacy. 
Sexual intimacy is used to....
~ Express love
~ Create families
~ Facilitate closeness to God
~ Renew 'covenants'

Proper marital intimacy can help a couple...
~ Learn selflessness and patience
~ Build commitment
~ Establish and reinforce proper boundaries around the couple
~ Facilitate warmth and forgiveness
~ Give comfort and assurance of love and mutual interest

In The Family: A Proclamation to the World it says, "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."

If demonstrated correctly and appropriately, sexual intimacy can be a blessing to a couples relationship. Sexual intimacy is sacred therefore it should be taken seriously.

Preparing for Children

This week I learned how marriages usually decline as each child is born and as the children leave the house the marriages get better. There are many ways to prevent the decline of marital satisfaction from happening. One way that I really liked is to prepare before the child is even born.
Here are a few things to do before a child is born:

• Involve the husband in prenatal check ups

• Engage the father in bonding events (like when the baby kicks)

• Make sure the father takes precedence over others during the birth. This one is very important because when the child is born the father will not get as much    attention as he did before. It seems kind of silly but it is true. So ensuring that he is put first over all other family members is very important. 
• Discuss specific changes that will happen when the baby is born. Doing this will help prepare couples better so they can understand what adjustments will need to be made.

I think that all of these tips described are very important to do and I definitely will involve my future husband in my pregnancies using these suggestions.

Gender Difference

In class this week we talked about gender difference and how boys and girls are raised differently. Females and males are very different from each other as we discussed in class we made a list to expand on the topic.

     Females:

• Cooperative
• Detail Oriented
• Relationship Orientation
• More Verbal
• Aware
• Multitasks 

     Males:

• Parallel 
• Competitive
• Career
• Leadership
• Protective
• Aggression 
• Task Oriented

It was also interesting to discuss how boys and girls play with different toys and if they play with gender specific toys of the opposite sex then they would be considered weird by some people. I definitely disagree with this statement. Boys and girls play with toys they enjoy and it doesn't mean something is wrong with them. They will probably grow out of it eventually anyways.

                                  

Family Mapping

This week we learned how to map our own families. I was a little confused at first but after going over it in class I think I now understand. Family maps were created to show the quality of interaction between family members.A girl in class mapped her own family on the board and it was really interesting to see how she portrayed her own family. There are three different types of boundaries that are used in mapping:

Rigid- There is little exchange between to the two individuals
Clear- An appropriate amount of exchange between two people
Diffuse- The relationship is very open, the boundaries are violated

After learning about this in class I started thinking about my own family and what the boundaries are like between my parents and my siblings. I have always thought my family is pretty open about everything and we are all pretty close. I still think this but I am interested to see what the boundaries will be like ten years from now. The youngest sibling in my family is 15 and the oldest is 28. Ten years from now we will all have our own families and we will probably be spread out across the country. I enjoy learning about the boundaries because then it forces me to reflect on the relationships I have with my 6 siblings and then that encourages me to think of ways to improve those relationships.

Decreasing Birth Rates

This week in class we were able to discuss many family trends that are occurring now. One of the trends is the decline of birth rates. Now some families are waiting to have children until later in their lives for different reasons. It could be because they think there are more important things in their lives to do like working/traveling or because they didn't get married until later in their lives. There are many other reasons why fewer children are being born; it is different for every person. In the textbook for class I read a very interesting fact it says, "Without immigration, the U.S. population will eventually decline if birth rates remain at the present low level" (p. 12). I think this is crazy and sad that families are not having as many kids. In "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" it states, "The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan." The family is ordained of God! I know that in order to fulfill God's plan for us having a family is essential! I am grateful that I have this knowledge of His plan and that I can start my own family one day.

Follow the link below to read all of "The Family: A Proclamation to the World."
https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng

Intro

Hey everyone! I'm Hannah and I am attending Brigham Young University-Idaho. My major is Marriage and Family Studies and I am minoring in music. I am number 5 of 7 kids in my family. I grew up in Athens, Ohio and attended Athens High School. My two favorite things are singing and ice cream! In this blog I will be discussing meaningful facts or ideas about families. I am really excited to learn more about families and how I can improve the relationships I have with my family members now. Also, I know that what I learn now will benefit me when I start my own family.