Divorce and the Effects on Children

Recently I wrote an argumentative research paper about divorce and the effects on children for my English class. It has been really interesting and sad. Children are greatly affected by divorce through many ways; for example, depression and anxiety are commonly seen in children. Not only do these two aspects affect them as children, but as well as in their adult lives. Having divorced parents can be very difficult in their adult lives too because many uncomfortable situations come up in which too much stress is placed on the whole family. Often times divorced parents place stress on their children when they don’t mean to and sometimes they even do not notice it.

I think that people should think hard about their choices and take into account how it might affect others before they take action. If parents are considering divorce they should do everything they can possibly do to try and resolve the situation. Some make decisions too hastily without giving a lot of thought to their choices. Children can and will be impacted by the parents' actions so they should think twice before they act.

Parenting

Parenting---It can help us:
- Develop patience
- Teach us
- Develop inter-generational patterns
- Change our relationship with God
- Become selfless

"The purpose of parenting is to protect and prepare our children to survive and thrive in the world."

Children need Contact/Belonging

Often, some children do not receive the attention that they need growing up. To be able to meet the needs of children we need to offer affection freely! Hug, touch, and smile often. :) Also, create opportunities for the child to contribute. For example the child can help with chores, errands, and helping others. It would also be good to get the child involved with teams or clubs.

Children need LOVE. I believe that this is the most important thing we can give to a child. They need to be loved. If they do not receive the appropriate amount of attention they need then it can affect their mental growth during childhood. 

For the Mothers

I recently read an article for class about stay at home moms. It argued that even though moms have the stereotypical role of doing house work, there are also many opportunities in which they are able to do other tasks which enhance their learning. For years moms have been stereotyped as women who clean the kitchen, make dinner, do the laundry, iron clothes, pick up the kids, and clean up after everyone. This is what most mothers do but it doesn't mean that they don't have any other important roles.

Mothers have the role of teaching their children. As moms teach they can learn. As the kids grow older they will come home from school with more challenging questions. This gives moms the chance to research the question and learn about the topic themselves before teaching.

In most communities there are additional opportunities for mothers to continue in learning. For example, volunteer work, online classes, book clubs, etc. No only can you learn so much from these things but they are fun too! In addition, I'm sure there are many resources for moms to find a good book to read or watch an intelligent t.v. show or movie. Stay at home moms may spend a lot of time at home but that doesn't mean that all they are doing is house work.

So, here's to my mom, the most intelligent woman I know. She taught me everything I know now and for that I will always be grateful.

My mom. :)

The Brethren

Last class period we discussed how the general authorities meet and the process in which they do so. Here are some details about it:
They...
1. Meet on Thursdays in the Temple
2. Start with a prayer
3. Have an agenda.
4. Open and honest
5. Express love and concern.
6. Close with a prayer.
7. Have a dessert.
Each of these details may seem meaningless but they do each have a purpose and they bring a sense of unity among the Brethren.  By choosing a specific time of day to meet they express that it is a sacred time. Also, by meeting in the temple they demonstrate the importance of their meeting. Prayer invites the Spirit into the meeting and gives them a chance to express gratitude. By having an agenda matters are more organized and they are prepared which signifies their desire to accomplish many things. The dessert is kind of silly but it can help form bonds between the Brethren.

One thought that I particular enjoyed from this lesson was this, "He (God) is more eager to give you inspiration than you are in receiving the inspiration." I know that this is completely true. I know that there is so much to learn if only I would be more determined then I could understand more of what God has in store for me and others. I know that the Brethren are inspired of God and through their meetings they become closer together and closer to God.

Crisis

This week we discussed many crisis and how they affect the lives of individuals. The part about crisis that I like is the different coping mechanisms that are suggested in the book.
They are:

• Take responsibility
• Affirm worth
• Balance self concern with other concern
• Re-framing (re-define the meaning of something)
• Find and use available resources

All of these mechanisms I will definitely remember as I start my own family. These cannot only be used for crisis but for those small problems that may occur in our lives. I think affirming our worth is one of the bigger mechanisms that can help. So often in times of trial our self worth can be easily forgotten. It is sad, but I know it is true because I see it in the lives of others. I know that if we remember that God loves each and everyone one of us then we will be able to overcome the crisis that occur in our lives. He loves us!

Sexual Intimacy

This week I learned a lot of new things about sexual intimacy. I never thought about some of these reasons why we demonstrate intimacy. 
Sexual intimacy is used to....
~ Express love
~ Create families
~ Facilitate closeness to God
~ Renew 'covenants'

Proper marital intimacy can help a couple...
~ Learn selflessness and patience
~ Build commitment
~ Establish and reinforce proper boundaries around the couple
~ Facilitate warmth and forgiveness
~ Give comfort and assurance of love and mutual interest

In The Family: A Proclamation to the World it says, "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."

If demonstrated correctly and appropriately, sexual intimacy can be a blessing to a couples relationship. Sexual intimacy is sacred therefore it should be taken seriously.

Preparing for Children

This week I learned how marriages usually decline as each child is born and as the children leave the house the marriages get better. There are many ways to prevent the decline of marital satisfaction from happening. One way that I really liked is to prepare before the child is even born.
Here are a few things to do before a child is born:

• Involve the husband in prenatal check ups

• Engage the father in bonding events (like when the baby kicks)

• Make sure the father takes precedence over others during the birth. This one is very important because when the child is born the father will not get as much    attention as he did before. It seems kind of silly but it is true. So ensuring that he is put first over all other family members is very important. 
• Discuss specific changes that will happen when the baby is born. Doing this will help prepare couples better so they can understand what adjustments will need to be made.

I think that all of these tips described are very important to do and I definitely will involve my future husband in my pregnancies using these suggestions.

LOVE

In class we have been discussing love, *sigh,*one of my favorite topics. I have always been a hopeless romantic and reading these past few chapters in our textbook has really opened my mind further to reality. I just like the idea of love and I look forward to being married! I can't wait to have a man in my life that will hug me often, make dinner for me sometimes, hold my hand when we walk somewhere, and say "I love you" a lot. Sounds like a love song right? Well, it's true. I look forward to all of this and I always have. Marriage is the one thing that I have dreamed about and I can't wait to marry "the man of my dreams" in the temple one day.

It is probably no surprise to you that I have a "Husband Qualities List." I have been adding to it every once in a while because it is important to me. Unfortunately, the perfect man for me isn't out there. There is no such thing is a perfect man but there is nothing wrong with having high standards. However, there is a difference between high standards and having unrealistic qualities. I'm sure a lot of the things on my list probably won't be true about my future husband. But like I said having standards is important.

In class we discussed four different types of love: Storge, Philia, Eros, and Agape.
Storge: Is the type of love between a parent and a child. It refers to commitment, emotion, responsibility, and connection.
Philia: Is the love we have between friends, like a brotherly love.
Eros: Is physical love--lustful, sexual, and romantic.
Agape: Is more like charitable love.

Going through all of these types of love has made me realize that a marriage really should include all of  these types not just one (like Eros). I think most people think that love is all about the intimacy but it is much more than that. I am grateful to be able to learn more about marriage so I can be more prepared when my time comes to be sealed for time and all eternity. 

Gender Difference

In class this week we talked about gender difference and how boys and girls are raised differently. Females and males are very different from each other as we discussed in class we made a list to expand on the topic.

     Females:

• Cooperative
• Detail Oriented
• Relationship Orientation
• More Verbal
• Aware
• Multitasks 

     Males:

• Parallel 
• Competitive
• Career
• Leadership
• Protective
• Aggression 
• Task Oriented

It was also interesting to discuss how boys and girls play with different toys and if they play with gender specific toys of the opposite sex then they would be considered weird by some people. I definitely disagree with this statement. Boys and girls play with toys they enjoy and it doesn't mean something is wrong with them. They will probably grow out of it eventually anyways.

                                  

Moving

This week we read an article about families in Mexico whose lives had been changed because of moving to the United States. It was very interesting to see how it affected the parents and the children. In some situations the father of the family will go to the United States first to make money to provide for his family in hopes that they will soon join him. When this happens the mother has to take over as the "head" of the house or even the next oldest man in the household. This can change the whole dynamics of a family. When the family eventually moves to the U.S. it is hard for them to adjust to having their dad back in their lives. Not only is that difficult but they also have to adjust to a new lifestyle; living in a country that is completely different from their own. The circumstances are not the same for every family but in most families it is a tough situation to be in. 

After learning about this I thought about how moving to another state affected me. I was born and raised in Athens, Ohio but, when I graduated from high school my parents moved to Provo, Utah. When I came "home" for the holidays it was just not the same for me. I didn't know anyone in the ward and I just wanted to be in my true home in Ohio. Even though this was not as big of a change as it was for many families moving to the U.S., it was still a hard adjustment for me.

This is a picture of my neighborhood in Ohio in the Fall. :)